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Joke of the Day
"Two paleontologists where moaning in a ditch One found a bone"
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"""WHY CAN'T YOU BE MORE LIKE MY IPHONE"" - new thing I scream at my kids"
"The new pool lifeguard was talking to his boss about his experience so far ""There's an exceptional amount of friendly people here. It's been at least seven who has waved at me."""
"Two guys walk into a bar the third one ducks"
"Fired from my job as an autopsy technician for repeatedly asking ""are you gonna eat that?"" during the procedures."
"what do you call the offspring of two lesbians? A hermaphrodike"
"It was so cold out today.. I saw a lawyer walking down the street with his hands in his own pockets."
"Fave bit of the Breaking Bad finale is when Ross is like ""DID SHE GET OFF THE METH?"" and then Rachel shows up and says ""I got off the meth."""
"A clearly exhausted Pao walks into a pub and orders a drink.... The bartender asks ""long day?"" ""No, all days are 24 hours long"" Pao replies, amazed at how uneducated the bartender is."
"""So, doctor, do I have cancer or not?"" ""Oh Jesus Christ, holy shit, tons of it,"" said the doctor to Martin Shkreli."