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Joke of the Day
"How can you tell a Sumo wrestler from a feminist? A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs."
Next Joke
"When people go underwater in movies, I sometimes like to hold my breath and see if I would survive in that situation. I died in Finding Nemo"
"Give it to me! Give it to me!"" she yelled, ""I'm so wet, give it to me now!"" She could scream all she wanted to. I was keeping the umbrella."
"Just called the fire department to tell them that dogs pee on fire hydrants so they should probably all wash their hands."
"Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map. Maria: This is it. Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America? Class: Maria did."
"Me: I save a bunch of time by not having to tie my shoes. Her: What do you do with the time saved? Me: *tying my dogs shoes* Sorry, what?"
"Behind every engineer in jail.... Is an Architect."
"Alice in Wonderland taught me to drink things that I'm unsure of"
"I laugh at an ex who now dates an ugly man-pig... Until I realize that maybe she has a type."
"I don't see any former child prodigies/spelling bee champions solving any of the world's problems. Thanks for nothing, you little burn-outs."