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Joke of the Day

"Just once, I would like to see a person on a daytime talk show say, ""dad was a good parent...mom was a good parent...the problem is me, I'm just a shithead."""

"Obergruppenfuhrer Akbar of the SS was in the Swiss Alps While walking about he spots a group of fugitives from the Reich. He turns to his men and shouts: ""It's a von Trapp!"""

"Goal weight: ""are you ok, you look sick"""

"If you ever see anyone doing a crossword... ...tap them on the shoulder and whisper ""7 up is lemonade""."

"Apostrophes are important. ""I fed the dog"" ""I f'ed the dog"" Learn this simple rule. Your friendship with Sarah McLachlan depends on it."

"Your mom is so sweet... I don't even need sugar when I'm eating her"

"Why was the 40 degree angle so nice to the 50 degree angle? Because its very complementary!"

"Hitler wasn't such a bad guy. After all, he killed Hitler."

"I'm not sure if this snake is trying to ask me a question or if he's just eaten a candy cane."

"Husband says to his wife ""you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back!"" She says ""what do you expect? You're in a wheelchair."""