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Joke of the Day

"Hope I'm never tortured, because I just pulled a hangnail off my finger and now this entire restaurant knows my pin number."

"There were tons of reddit admins responsible for today's commotion. But not many of them."

"What does the First Lady say to the President during sex? ""Oh yeah! Yeah! Do me in my Oval Orifice~!"""

"My grandma started dying in the living room Well, I guess it isn't the living room anymore."

"I told you I'm busy! Who are you going to believe, me or the last 20 tweets I posted?"

"What comes after a great pee? A ""Q"" I made this joke up today. I don't know if it's been thought of before, but I couldn't go to sleep without posting it for the world :)"

"BOUNCER: Sorry, buddy - planets only. PLUTO: I'm on the list. BOUNCER: Nope. *Jurassic World walks in* PLUTO: Oh you cannot be serious."

"[Taken 26] Abductor: I have your great granddaughter LIAM NEESON: I literally died 12 years ago"

"COME TO ME JOURNALBOT *Journalbot enters my study* ok write this down: Polar bears are bear ghosts. ""polargeists"" [very sad robot noises]"

"What did Ben Franklin call his pee hole? Urethra Franklin."