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Joke of the Day

"I like my girls the same way I like my coffee. Without milk."

"What did one testicle ask the other testicle? Why do we have to hang? Dick did the shooting!"

"So I was wondering whether any of my friends could possibly teach me quidditch... ...and then I thought, ""wait a minute, I know one. Oliver would""."

"Did you hear about the zombie that went vegan? He called his decision a no-brainer"

"Q: Did you know that Clinton's cat can play Chess? A: Inside Information: The cat isn't really all that good at Chess. The last time they played best of five Clinton won three games to two."

"Where did the Muslim go for his sandwich? Aaaaaaaaallah Snackbar."

"[whole foods] WHITE GIRL: excus me do u hav pumpkin EMPLOYEE: (hands her a pumpkin) here WHITE GIRL: no no no. PUMPKIN. its a type of spice"

"Running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for dogs?"

"What do you call a German barber? Herr Kutz (This was funnier when I was half asleep this morning)"

"There are 10 types of people 1. Those who understand binary 2. Those who don't 3. Those who sneak tertiary into their jokes"