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Joke of the Day

"Chuck Norris launch a bomb. It makes 263 deaths, and the bomb explode."

"If we sneezed Windex instead of spit I bet my neighbors would be cool with me standing at their window."

"What is the favorite sex position of James Bond? 69 - she **shakes** and he **stirs**."

"Corn on the cob today is corn on the log tomorrow."

"I once challenged Snoop Dogg to a rap battle and the loser had to change their name."

"All the liberals want to move to Canada... What's wrong with Mexico, you racist fucks?"

"Liar, Liar If the guy's pants are on fire, give him a fucking break about being a liar liar for a second. (via @WiseguyPictures)"

"Cop: Why were you speeding? Me: SHE'S IN LABOR! Cop: That's a beach ball in a wig. Me: Cop: Me: I don't think I'm the father. Cop: Get out."

"12yo: Can we go to a haunted house this year? Me: What's wrong with the one we live in? 12yo: WHAT?! Me: Goodnight, son."

"""Babe, is it in?"" *""Yea.""* **""Does it hurt?""** *""Uh huh.""* **""Let me put it in slowly.""** *""It still hurts.""* **""Okay, let's try another shoe size.""**"