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Joke of the Day
"I wasn't kicking you. I was encouraging you to get the hell out of my way."
Next Joke
"ww2 Russia be like... You better Czech yourself before you rek yourself."
"Knock Knock..... who's there? Owls. Owls Who? Yes they do..."
"What's worse than finding a worm in your Apple? Finding half a worm in your Apple."
"Q: Why didn't Natalie Wood take a shower on the boat? A: She wanted to wash up on shore."
"The tongue twister... The wife asks her husband: -Hey, do you know any tongue twisters? -Yes, penis. -Penis? thats not a tongue twisfhndnfasdfnghfgh"
"For Valentine's Day my GF upped my life insurance policy. Unrelated, anyone know why there's a ticking sound coming from underneath my car?"
"ME: I want the car's brake lines to rust SCIENTIST: I'm listening ME: [slides over envelope full of cash] But make it look like an oxidant"
"Some girls look like they've barely broken a sweat after hot yoga while I look like a tomato that's been doused by a fire hose."
"A mathematician walks into a bar. The bartender says ""You just missed happy hour. All drinks fifty percent off"" The mathematician says ""Thanks, I'll halve to remember that"""