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Joke of the Day

"I got arrested... I got arrested for punching a guy at a new years party, when you hear an Arab counting down from ten your instincts kick in."

"her: I have this weird fantasy where my man shaves me while I sleep me: k her: *wakes up with no eyebrows"

"A 747 just landed at Heathrow Airport in London. After the captain shutdown the engines you could still hear the whining."

"I went to a zoo the other day. The only animal they had was a dog It was a shitzu."

"So, did you hear what Lateesha get on her SATs? Barbecue sauce."

"It's totally amazing how cars run on dinosaur poop or however the fuck fossils work. I'm not a dinosaur scientition over here. Fuck's sake."

"so i'd tell ya a casey anthony joke but my mother would kill me..."

"I just bought some land with a stranger and now we have a lot in common."

"Who's the fax machine player in Skrillex?"

"we call em houseplants like thats where they belong but its just where we put em thats like if u threw me in the sewer & called me sewer boy"