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Joke of the Day

"A 747 just landed at Heathrow Airport in London. After the captain shutdown the engines you could still hear the whining."

"People ranked their favorite meats...but the survey was flawed and inconsequential. The steaks weren't very high"

"If con is opposite of pro .... then is Congress the opposite of progress?"

"What do snowmen call their offspring? Chill-dren."

"Romantic movies taught me that you always have to walk out after a big argument so that 6yrs later you can meet by chance and get married."

"I kinda like zombies...but can we go ahead & decide whether they can run fast or just walk?...my apocolypse plans depend on it....thanks!"

"What's the difference between a slave owner and Bernie Sanders The slave owner's Dick works Note: The slave owner has a slave named Dick"

"Marijuana is not a gateway drug... I have never been smoking weed and thought, ""I know what this needs! Meth!..."""

"We have a strange custom in our office. The food has names there. Yesterday for example I got me a sandwich out of the fridge and its name was ""Kevin"""

"What did the scarecrow say when the farmer asked him in for dinner? ""No thanks, I'm stuffed."""