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Joke of the Day

"has anybody ever actually gotten salmonella from eating raw cookie dough or are people just trying to stop me from living my life"

"If my mom had just faked having a headache I wouldn't be writing this bullshit on the internet right now"

""" You drink too much milk."", said the doctor Your blood is now milk."

"Sport Fishermen Are all about that bass"

"9yr old poured milk on the cat. When I asked why he said ""He's thirsty and likes to lick himself."" I couldn't argue with that."

"What is a sheep with no legs? A Cloud."

"What's the difference between a baby and a submarine? I've never been in a submarine."

"First in my neighborhood to cut the grass and now the other husbands are looking at me like I reminded the teacher to assign homework."

"Q: Where does Santa stash his money? A: In a snowbank."

"When you are on a first date and she says to you: ""I want you to treat me like a movie star,"" it is vitally important to establish which type of movie."