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Joke of the Day

"the divorce rate among my socks is astonishing"

"Y'all hear the one about the clairvoyant midget that escaped from prison? The police are searching for a small medium at large."

"What has 400 legs and 23 teeth? The front row of a Trump rally"

"JOB INTERVIEWER: Talk about a time when a big project of yours didn't work out as you hoped ME: Well I got two English degrees"

"I don't understand why subway has to train their employees. We do that for them everytime we order & tell them EXACTLY how to make a sub."

"Where's the best view of falling stars in Los Angeles? The Betty Ford Clinic"

"I am like an electron.... My wife can only make guesses at my precise location by means of a probability function"

"Why would I want to talk to your baby? On the phone. It's a baby. If I wanted to hear random noises when I talk, I have a husband for that."

"If anti-gays want to stop gay sex... They should encourage gay marriage."

"I've started writing crossword puzzles for a national newspaper. The money is not great but It's allowed me to buy a little two up two down house."