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Joke of the Day

"I'm on a whiskey diet. I've already lost three days."

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 53 times a day, you're an Instagram filter."

"If I had a brewery I would make an alcoholic drink called ""Responsibly"". I wouldn't even have to pay for advertising."

"If you're in your car, go ahead and pick your nose, because the car makes you invisible."

"What is the difference between an elephant and a flea? An elephant can have fleas but a flea can't have elephants !"

"What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scottsman? The Rolling Stones say ""Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!"" And a Scottsman says ""Hey McLeod, get of me ewe!"""

"I like my women like I like my M.C. Escher paintings Impossibly proportioned"

"Did you hear about the nutty professor? He pursued a career in *m*acadamia!"

"A lawyer with insomnia consulted her doctor. ""Which side is it best to lie on?"" she asked. ""The side that pays your fee"" replied the doctor."

"""wat can i say.. im a people person"" said the man who was MADE OUT OF PEOPLE"