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Joke of the Day
"Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: Fear of long words."
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"Errors have been made. Others will be blamed."
"What do you call a dad without jeans? A potato."
"Hunters, you shouldn't wear camo you should dress like cars. Deer will walk toward you and hope you kill them."
"I don't know what to I can't see an end. I have no control and I don't think there's any escape I don't even have a home anymore. Definitely time for a new keyboard."
"Just took $20 out of my friend Martin's wallet (he has ALS) because that ice bucket nonsense ruined my new kimono."
"When is it alright to spit in a muslims face It never is"
"Why did the chicken cross the road? The road crossed him first, man. The road crossed him first. *This should be delivered in your best ""tough guy"" voice.*"
"[think of idiom] firing on all cylinders [post tweet w/ idiom + literal interpretation] mr. on all cylinders, ur fired [wait for 100+ faves]"
"How did the scarecrow win the award? Because he was outstanding in his field."