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Joke of the Day

"I raped someone so hard in a LoL match last night but forgot to record it It's ok. Found it on Pornhub."

"Congrats everyone! my eldest son Glandon is now 240 months old and can phsyically overpower me even when grounded"

"I had an ant bite my penis today. it feels like a little prick."

"[5 year old tugs on pant leg] Daddy if time stops at the speed of light then photons aren't actually moving, so is everything we see a lie?"

"Why is English such a hard language to learn? Because it's"

"Why do women close their eyes during sex? They can't stand seeing a man have a good time."

"I thought I kept all my David Fincher DVDs safely, but... I lost The Game."

"What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef. What do you call a cow with two legs? Your mom"

"I joined a nudist colony in Canada. To be honest, I'm starting to get cold feet."

"""Will I ever live in a clean house again?"" *shakes magic 8 ball *magic 8 ball explodes and makes a mess"