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Joke of the Day

"*shakes the ATM like it's a vending machine*"

"What do you call someone that goes down on both genders? Bilingual."

"Why don't witches wear underwear? They have to grip the broom."

"""SOMEONE IS VAPING"" 911: Stay calm, were tracing it ""HURRY"" 911: THE VAPING IS COMIN FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE ""OMG"" 911: GET OUT GET OUT"

"Can I list french fries as my significant other?"

"Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl go to the toilet? Because the P is silent."

"Reddit told me to talk to a crush just like I'd talk to anyone else, didn't work Apparently ""Hi, shithead"" wasn't the correct thing to say"

"Did you hear the one about the chicken and the egg? They were trying to get each other off!"

"'Here's a good book' said the sales assistant in the book shop to Mrs Monster. 'How To Help Your Husband Get Ahead.' 'No thank you' said Mrs Monster. 'My husband's got two heads already. . .'"

"""Good morning please could I have one human ticket to the water park"" Sir are you a shark in disguise? *sharks fake eyebrows slide off*"