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Joke of the Day

"My 11 now wants to borrow clothes from my closet. Either she has great taste in clothing at an early age...or I dress like a tween."

"People immediately behave better in traffic once they notice the Elf on the Shelf tied to my grille."

"What is the most tried and true method to getting a small fortune? Start out with a large fortune."

"Why was Pavlov's hair so soft? Because classical conditioning!"

"We're making self portrait masks in art class. I think I'll get an A+. I could just be getting ahead of myself."

"I'm so smart, I've got more brains than... Kurt Cobain's ceiling"

"What do you call a pig with the flu? A swine swine."

"A frog goes to his doctor, the doctor says ""I'm afraid you're going to croak very soon."" the frog enjoys the joke and makes peace with death"

"Obama: any good ideas in how to defeat isis? *Biden raises hand* Obama: besides assembling the Avengers? *Biden lowers hand*"

"Why can't astronauts stay in a long term relationship? They need space."