35997

Joke of the Day

"Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun."

"Her: For once I'd like a man to just sweep me off my feet. Me: *slowly ties Karate Kid headband around forehead*"

"How do people get their drivers to murder someone? Mine sulks if I ask him to fetch groceries."

"How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? ""Why does the light bulb necessarily have to change?"""

"I told my mom I got in trouble at school today for a PDA.... She said, ""For what? Kissing your teacher's ass?"""

"I got mad at my uncle for telling me the results of the Cubs game because he is an hour ahead of me in New York. And he doesn't have a DVR."

"Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face."

"What can I bring to your party? Friend: A six pack. [does 10 crunches] [cancels]"

"Sometimes after a long hard day at work, it takes me 4 bars to get home"

"Why is Yoda afraid of seven? Because six seven eight."