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Joke of the Day

"friend: ""we should have a drink sometime"" *never contacts them again*"

"currently imagining a redditor choking on an uncooked hotdog and trying to wheeze out ""epic fail"" before losing consciousness"

"I got arrested for running out of gas on the highway. I told the cop I was on E."

"I can't wait to meet that special someone who will eventually ignore me."

"How much is a $1,000,000 Bill worth? Nothing! You can't use it anywhere!"

"Let's make it weird. Dont worry. I'll start."

"How does a pirate greet a sea monster? What's Kraken?"

"What kind of Bees make milk? Boobies."

"You say ""bed."" I say ""horizontal worry pod of nocturnal overanalysis."" Let's not get caught up in semantics."

"A handshake means something completely different to a cannibal."