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Joke of the Day

"I hope I never go to jail because I haven't memorized a phone number since 2006."

"I'm going to name my first kid Authorized Personnel so they can go wherever they want in life."

"Best Jocks https://www.reddit.com/r/Reddit50/comments/3p9d9z/girl_you_remind_me_of_an_alarm_clock/"

"What does the Pope dip his chips in? Holy Guacamole"

"Why shouldn't young people move to Egypt? Because only an old GIZA would live there!"

"What do Yoko Ono and African children have in common? They both survive on dead beatles (beetles)."

"Given how enormous the universe is, I assume there's an alien out there who does a mocking impression of me. Screw you, alien."

"Why can't vets use dank memes? Because they'd get fired for beating a dead horse."

"When I was young, my mom's sister used to bake me cakes with lots of icing and cream. She was a fond aunt."

"I was having sex last night and had an epiphany right before I climaxed... I guess you could say that I came to a realisation."