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Joke of the Day

"please say a prayer for my coworker. his life is so boring that he just Instagrammed his Jimmy Johns sandwich"

"Indian restaurant I was at an Indian restaurant last night when the waiter came over and said,""Curry ok sir""? I said 'ok one song then fuck off.'."

"What do you call a bunch of blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel. :D"

"""I work with computers."" ""Do you know a lot about computers?"" ""I know they're heavy."" (forgot the comics name, he was on Jay Leno long ago)"

"Receptionist: ""That lady in the waiting room is picking her nose."" Plastic Surgeon: ""Good! That'll save me some time. Send her right in."""

"Why don't Jedi mathematicians use the absolute value function? Because only a Sith deals in absolutes. ^and ^it's ^non-differentiable ^at ^0"

"Her: Do you consider yourself broadminded? Me: All I ever think about are broads... so I'll have to go with a yes on this one."

"I'm finishing off this bottle of wine because you never know when an asteroid is gonna hit and I'd hate to waste the $6.49 I spent on it."

"What is Bruce Lee's favorite drink? WAAAAAAAAAATAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"

"What's the unluckiest kind of cat to have ? A catastrophe !"