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Joke of the Day

"Indian restaurant I was at an Indian restaurant last night when the waiter came over and said,""Curry ok sir""? I said 'ok one song then fuck off.'."

"Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common? A: The more you bang it the looser it gets."

"I'm in such a weird place in my life right now. Literally. This shop only sells Owls and Mayonnaise."

"Young God: ok, a little hydrogen and- *chemistry set explodes* Mom: what was that?! God: nothing! *scoops resulting universe into shoebox*"

"Scrabble was invented by Nazi's to piss off kids with dyslexia. The word ""dyslexia"" was invented by Nazi's to piss off kids wigh dyslexia."

"Just got my free yearly car wash Thanks California!"

"new hipster fad = being really into public domain music"

"These new drone regulations... I had to register my two sticks of butter with the FAA. It was so much trouble just to see my butter fly."

"Yo momma is so fat, when she sat on an iPod, she made the iPad!"

"Finally realizing that Hotel California is about Twitter. ""...you can check in anytime you like, but you can never leave..."""