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Joke of the Day

"[reading book report] ME: Beyowulf is the story of a guy that turns into an wolf when he hears Beyonce TEACHER: Wrong. ME: Well, I tried."

"Him: What? I couldn't understand you. Me: gnbkfshbffjjg H: What?! Me: GNBKFSHBFFJJG! H: Damnit Aimee! Take the burrito out of your mouth!"

"Did you hear about the agnostic insomniac who has dyslexia? He lays awake all night wondering if there really is a dog."

"What can turn a fox into an elephant? A marriage certificate."

"What do they say about building an erotic statue? ""If you build it they will come."""

"A Polish guy goes for eye test. Doctor points towards the last line on Eye Test Chart, S I S Z T R Z T O W S K I Doctor, ""Can you read that?"" Polish guy, "" Read that? I fucking know that guy!!!"""

"I live in a pretty rough area. The priest at our church had to leave because of a child abuse scandal. He was raped by three kids."

"Skunks are just mean cats with asshole powers. Get it?"

"Everybody is a kid of some decade, but ""90's kids"" are the only ones who are annoying about it."

"What do you call a mathematician who fakes injuries? Fibbinouchie."