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Joke of the Day

"I live in a pretty rough area. The priest at our church had to leave because of a child abuse scandal. He was raped by three kids."

"Why are there no female serial killers? Because after the first kill, they have to tell someone."

"Please scan your first please place the item in please scan your rewards please slide your card in thank you for shopping with us"

"When I wake up before my alarm clock...I sometimes sneak up on it while it's still sleeping and yell ""HOW DOES IT FEEL B*TCH"""

"Time flies when you wake up at noon."

"What do you call a trio of Muslims? The Three Mosqueteers."

"A son asks his old man... ""Dad, are you gay?"" ""Who told you? Was it your father?"""

"""Once we come down off this wall we'll be on the lam. That means we're fugitives, laying low, on the run..."" - condescending con descending"

"Today I found out how electricity was measured... I was like watt???"

"1. Loan someone a pocket knife. 2. Take it back by wrapping it in a rag. 3. Explain you need a knife with someone else's prints on it."