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Joke of the Day

"Dear airlines, spend less money making cutesy safety videos and pass those savings on to your customers. Wouldn't that be cool?"

"Why is Europe like a frying pan?? They both have Greece at the bottom!!"

"*returns lost dog* Lady: That's not him. He was white Me: *holding a brown dog* He asked to swing by the salon. Add the color to my reward"

"My toothpaste says it guarantees whiteness within two weeks.. Yet after two weeks I'm still asian"

"My wife asked me to bring home stuff for the pancakes yesterday. She wasn't happy when I came back with a push up bra."

"Why did King Kong paint the bottoms of his feet brown? So that he could hide upside down in a jar of peanut butter."

"I see dead people. Well technically they're stupid people, but give me a few minutes."

"Sedated, cheese-loving, Northern Ed Miliband... and Gromit."

"Why did Lamar give money to Kobe? Because Lamar Odom"

"Life is like a box of chocolates If your fat it doesn't last very long."