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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I lie awake at night wondering where the word etymology came from..."

"Life dull? Add 'or die trying' to every statement. ""I'm gonna pick up milk on the way home OR DIE TRYING."" Instant excitement."

"A paralyzed man calls U-Haul... ""Hey can you help me move?"""

"This just popped in my head... What's a mexican's favorite Disney movie? Mow lawn. Sorry."

"Why doesn't Kanye West take his wife to the beach? Because he is afraid tidal wave will take her away from him."

"If you want to know who is really man's best friend, Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of your car, come back an hour later, open the trunk, and see which one is happy to see you."

"Just installed an egg cannon on the hood of my car. Flipping people off and cursing at them just doesn't satisfy me anymore."

"Someone called me immature today. Guess who isn't allowed in my tree house?"

"DATE: Ooh, such long fingers ME: Yeah, know what other long body part I have? D: I have an idea *sexy wink* M: My intestines are about 30ft"

"How many gays does it take to put in a lightbulb? Only one, but it takes a whole emergency room to remove it."