130778

Joke of the Day

"Next time I see a dead deer on the side of the road, I'm gonna leave and come back dressed as Santa with a sign that says ""Help, need ride!"

"Co-worker: You drink a lot of coffee!!!! Me: It's for your own safety."

"*smels vinyl record* The Continents r ok but they wer way beter befor they split up. do u kno the supergroup Pangaea? its from befor ur time"

"Mom: Take out the trash *I take the trash on a lovely date* Mom: Not what I meant *I assassinate the trash in an ally* Mom: Still wrong"

"On the upside, Oscar Pistorus has had his paralympic classification promoted... ...he's gone from T43 (double below knee amputee) all the way up to T800 (The Terminator)."

"Scariest thing ever: when a kid sings a nursery rhyme really slow."

"Everyone knows you can tell a criminal is lying if his lips are moving, but how do you know when a cop is lying? His pen is moving."

"There is 3 types of people in this world... People who are good at maths, and people who aren't."

"How do you silence an Italian? Cut off his hands"

"I heard they were going to fine bad drivers $100 on the spot. That's bit sexist, isn't it?"