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Joke of the Day

"TIL that a baby can recognize its mother's heartbeat due to how much time they spent inside their mom I can also recognize your mom's heartbeat."

"Guys, I found a cure for my Alzheimer's!"

"If women can do anything men can do... how come they haven't oppressed an entire gender?"

"I'm in a long distance relationship. My girlfriend's in the future."

"Only 1 month left til black people misspell Kwanzaa."

"INSTRUCTIONS FOR FITTED SHEETS: 1) Know when to hold em. 2) Know when to fold em. 3) Know when to walk away. 4) Know when to run."

"Toaster settings: No.1: ""I do nothing."" No.2: ""I do nothing."" No.3: ""I do nothing."" No.4: ""I SET BREAD ON FIRE!"""

"How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh? Ten tickles."

"What did the blonde's mother say when she asked if she could lick the bowl? ""Just flush it like everybody else does."""

"If your friends don't make fun of you, they're not really your friends."