34962

Joke of the Day

"The key to parenting is moderation. For example, if baby wants to play with the cutlery, only give him a few steak knives."

"Met a girl at the park today. It just felt like there were sparks between us. And as we lay making love a short time later I thought ""Damn, this taser was a good buy."""

"Damn boy are you a banker? Because I really just want you to leave me a loan."

"I have the heart of a lion... and a lifelong ban from the zoo."

"most cutting thing you can say is ""who's this clown?"" because it implies they're a) a clown & b) not even one of the better-known clowns"

"how many Irishman does it take to screw in a light bulb? 2, one to hold the light bulb the other to drink until the room spins"

"H: Do you like carpet or prefer it bare? M: I'm OK with a little carpet of she shaves the rest H: We're talking about floors M: HR again?"

"Nine years ago today 19 men came to my doorstep expecting 72 virgins. Little did they know how fucked they were going to be."

"Why do nuns always travel in pairs? Because one nun follows the other nun to make sure that nun doesn't get none."

"Your momma so old... powdered milk comes out her nipples."