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Joke of the Day

"I found where my mom hid the scissors, so everyone in my house woke up with a new haircut this morning."

"""Got kicked out of the hokey pokey class for putting it in, when I was supposed to be shaking it all about."""

"[on a Speed date] pop quiz hotshot, if this date goes below 50 mph it explodes [her] that makes no sense [I mouth a tiny explosion sound]"

"Police officer: what'd you take, you're sweating, shaking and going crazy.... Perp: nothing sir, just searching for The Lord!"

"Why do dogs run in circles ? Because its hard to run in squares !"

"ME: isn't this great?? WIFE: not really ME: *looks down from the top bunk* what's wrong"

"""I wish I had the money to buy a million watermelons..."" ""What will you do with a million watermelons?"" ""I don't want the watermelons, I just want the money."""

"Whats the Difference Between AWD & 4x4? Your sexuality."

"What do a burnt pizza, a frozen beer, and a pregnant woman have in common? In all 3 cases, someone forgot to pull it out."

"Wanna hear my construction joke? I'm still working on it..."