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Joke of the Day

"""I wish I had the money to buy a million watermelons..."" ""What will you do with a million watermelons?"" ""I don't want the watermelons, I just want the money."""

"Some people want Puerto Rico to become the 51st State... I say let's do it, and find two more new states. Then we'd have 53 states. A nice PRIME number... ONE NATION - INDIVISIBLE"

"FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: ""Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"""

"Apple just released a brand new programming language, *Swift*. Job recruiters everywhere immediately started posting ads for Swift programmers with 5 years of experience."

"What Do Ghosts Like To Stare At? BooBees."

"Sean Connery has been scouring Israel for ancient musical instruments. When asked about his progress, he replied, ""I've only found one shofar."""

"Have you seen that clip of the LGBT stripper who's incorporated martial arts into her routine? No? Well if you want to, just Google ""Gypsy Bruce Lee""."

"A word is worth 1/1000th of a picture."

"Me: bedtime! Brain: you're hungry M: no I'm not B: thirsty then M: nope B: uhh sad? M: doing ok B: you forgot to do that thing M: nice try"

"Autocorrect has been around for centuries, I got mine when I married my wife."