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Joke of the Day

"A fat woman got stuck in the door of my local Italian buffet. I just couldn't get pasta."

"I named my dick Rosa Parks ...Because it refuses to go in the back."

"Saw some kids building sandcastles on the beach so I ran and jumped on one of them. Then I wrecked his sandcastle."

"I'm a lonely Status. I wish more people liked me."

"Did you guys see the new Mad Max prequel? It was playing on every channel last night"

"I'm so bored with life, I've decided to read the Oxford English Dictionary from start to finish. I'm past caring."

"Why do Chinese only care about themselves? Because they have no i's (plural of i). Edit: eyes. Eyes guys. It's a bad pun."

"[packing for holiday] WIFE: U don't have to only put suits in a suitcase ME: [putting underwear in briefcase] I don't make the rules Karen"

"A genie asked me if I wanted a good memory or a big penis. Guy: A genie asked me if I wanted a good memory or a big penis. Friend: What did you choose? Guy: I don't remember."

"Woman calls 911 about a peeping tom in her yard 911: ""How do you know he's a peeping tom?"" Woman: ""When I asked him what he was doing out there, he said 'I was trying to get a pikachu'""."