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Joke of the Day

"Customer told me this yesterday... First comes the engagement ring...followed by the marriage ring...but no one ever told me what came after that. The suffering."

"When is a door not a door? When it's a jar!"

"How do you make a baby drink? You stick it in a blender."

"My math paper had a question involving finding the expectation of a die roll. It took me a moment to figure out what it means"

"To me funny is beautiful."

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. Steve Martin"

"How do you know if you're a bogan? You let your 15 year old daughter smoke at the dinner table... in front of her kids."

"Problem: I hate peeing alone, sleeping, & nobody talks to me about random nonsense Solution: kids"

"One thing I've learned about this world is that there are always going to be people who want to change you. -babies"

"Here you go, Merry Christmas! ""Dad, why'd you wrap our gifts in soft fabric?"" Because I wanted to make- Mom: NO DON'T My presents felt"