183548

Joke of the Day

"When I see your face, there's not a thing I would change .... except the direction I'm walking in."

"Confuse your least favorite person at work by moving in slow motion when they're the only person watching you"

"H: I don't understand what goes on in your head. Me: If you prefer, I can quit twitter and just tell you all of this. H: No, we're good."

"""Remember those funny tweets about Keith? And, the Chad jokes? Haha! They were great! We should do those again. Right, guys? Guys?"" - Karen"

"Try saying ""good luck"" without sounding sarcastic. Good luck."

"[interrogation] ""Where were you on the night of the 5th?"" ""Dealing drugs."" ""Louder for the tape?"" [leans in] ""Healing pugs. I'm a pug vet."""

"What do you call a fatality that results from friendly fire in a gang war? Homiecide"

"It's Christmas Eve, not Christmas and Steve. Get out of here Steve."

"You know you're a Star Trek fan when you... hate Voyager and you've only seen every episode one time."

"You know you are out of luck.. You know you are out of luck, when you ass-fuck your GF and still end up with a kid !"