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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a terrorist training facility and a preschool? How the fuck should I know, I'm just the drone pilot."

"Women need to relax and stop worrying so much about their bodies. Men aren't picky! Unless you're chubby or have a wrinkle or something."

"9/10 people think that mobbing at work is okay..."

"Why does ISIS drink instant coffee? Because they hate French press!"

"What does a silver medalist and a pedophile have in common? They both come in just a little behind."

"GUY: I dare you ME: no G: I double dog dare you ME: no G: I TRIPLE dog dare you! ME: [realizing if I keep this up ill get a lot of dogs] no"

"Wife: We're going to Jessie's BBQ today. Me: She's the one with the big--- Wife: They're fake! Me: So? -liveTweeting from the DogHouse"

"DROWNING LAWYER Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? A: Shoot him before he hits the water."

"How do you Circumcise a whale? Send down four skin divers."

"when i found out i won the World's Saddest Man award i became slightly happy and was immediately stripped of my title"