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Joke of the Day

"Doc said I need to change my diet... He said I need to eat more caviar and drink more champagne. I said, ""Doc, that's crazy! What's this diet called?"" He said, ""it's a High Fluten diet."""

"Two birds flying through the air... Flugen zwei Vogel durch die Luft. Sagt eine zum anderen, ""Vorsicht"" da kommt ein Hub-schrau-schrau-schrrau"

"I'm actually kind of handsome when you're drunk and the light is low and there's no other dudes around and you have low standards."

"What do you call a mutant with the power to get women pregnant Impregneato"

"The Titanic was built to last, let that sink in."

"""I'd kill you if I thought I could get away with it"".......things that were said to me during my divorce. Hey guy's, she's available!"

"Parenting is all about wanting to say, ""No one cares, honey"" 100x a day AND NEVER DOING IT."

"I always read my wife's Horoscope to see what kind of day I'M going to have."

"Told ya I can time travel!"

"When is the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty"