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Joke of the Day

"My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, ""How old are you?"" I said, ""I'm five."" He said, ""When I was your age I was six."""

"Last night my Professor told me to read Bartleby the Scrivner... I would prefer not to."

"Somewhere right now, a girl just uploaded a picture of herself saying ""Not looking good today"" after deleting the first 50 pictures she took"

"Why can't muslims eat pigs? Because the Quran forbids cannibalism"

"Saw my neighbor in a peeing contest with his dog on his porch. My mum said there'd be days like this but she never said there'd be so many."

"Do we still not know who let the dogs out?"

"Why do girls wear makeup and perfume? Because they're ugly and they stink."

"My dream car is shaq wearing heelys holding me up by my hips like simba"

"People who grew up in the 50's will get this. I was 15 before I realized that there was no reason why women's slacks had the zipper on the side."

"A Jew, a black, and a Muslim are on a frozen lake, not talking to each other, so I thought I would go over there and break the ice."