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Joke of the Day

"Somewhere right now, a girl just uploaded a picture of herself saying ""Not looking good today"" after deleting the first 50 pictures she took"

"I get jealous over the little stuff... Why? Because we started out doing that ""little stuff"".."

"Why don't lamps talk? They're antisocial lights."

"Why did the woman take a load of hay to bed? To feed her nightmare."

"My ""Savings Account"" is just several pairs of unwashed jeans on the floor that may or may not still have change in the pockets."

"What did they call the sad little fish poop with no father? A bass turd."

"What's the difference between a Lamborghini and dead babies? I didn't lose my virginity in the back of a Lamborghini."

"I once watched a mime choke to death on a street corner and everyone applauded. For a couple of reasons."

"Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a case of beer? He's okay. It was light beer."

"If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, ""Two seconds 'til."" After you ask, ""Two seconds 'til what?"" he roundhouse kicks you in the face."