16539

Joke of the Day

"My urge to sing ""The Lion Sleeps Tonight"" is just a whim away a whim away, a whim away, a whim away"

"I've just hired a hot 19 year-old Swedish girl with massive tits to babysit my kids. Now... Where the fuck do I get some kids from?"

"The Doctor was puzzled ""I'm very sorry but I can't diagnose your trouble Mahoney. I think it must be drink. "" ""Don't worry about it Dr. Kelley I'll come back when you're sober."""

"How do you make Lady Gaga cry? You kill her family."

"(OC) Where did the frog say his family came from? ""They are German and a tad-Polish"""

"How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb? Three. Two to complain about it and one to light an organic scented candle."

"I just dozed off for a minute and woke up freaking out because I thought I missed my exit."

"Two people who really hate each other can suddenly really like each other if they can find someone else they can both really hate together."

"Mother Earth: I'm not a regular mom. I'm a Cool Mom. [humans pollute the atmosphere and destroy nature] Earth: This is fine. I'm a Cool Mom"

"How do you make holy water? You boil the hell outta it"