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Joke of the Day

"Don't make jokes about 9/11... they're just plane wrong."

"Me, December 2016: I'm going to buy this juicer and lose some weight in January Me, January 2017: I have eaten the juicer"

"I'm getting my wife's name tattooed on my penis So I can keep beating her long after she's gone (I'm so sorry)"

"Why did Harry Potter's friends pick him up and pass him around on his birthday? They were playing pass the Parseltongue."

"I'm a businessman so I tuck my shirt in. There's a lot of money on the line so I need you to know that this is roughly where my legs start."

"Justin Bieber said to be just devastated to hear the news on the Boston marathon . . . . . .but hopes that everyone involved are fans."

"Me: I HAD A VISION! I was a GARDEN GNOME & I was ridding a FLAMINGO & the FAIRIES sprinkled cocaine on me & I FLIED!! My Therapist: ....."

"How many ""sup dude""s does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, it's already lit fam."

"Got in a fight with my wife while camping... It was in tents."

"Why does a chicken coop have two doors? Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan."