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Joke of the Day

"Me: I HAD A VISION! I was a GARDEN GNOME & I was ridding a FLAMINGO & the FAIRIES sprinkled cocaine on me & I FLIED!! My Therapist: ....."

"Dogs can't operate an MRI machine But catscan"

"If Bob Marley were alive today, what would he listen to music on? An iAndiPod. Just made that one up. I can hear the groans."

"Spelling errors in quotations make me sic."

"Wow, I must look really hot tonight working out, everyone is totally staring at me. *walking on treadmill with a candy bar and a Pepsi"

"Family tree Your family tree is a cactus, because everyone on it is a prick."

"What do vampires have at eleven o'clock every day? A coffin break."

"Conversation with my Dad. Me: ""The teacher was talking about strangling a student today!"" Dad:""She was probably just choking."""

"I love the lines men use to get us into bed. ""Please I'll only put it in for a minute."" What am I a microwave?"

"What's the difference between Kanye West, an American College student, and a homeless man? The homeless man has $7 to his name."