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Joke of the Day

"my favorite hobby is reading a book by a fireplace in a cabin in the woods. in other words, my favorite hobby is being threatening to trees"

"What is WILL.I.AM going to be called after he dies? WILL.I.WAS"

"I hadn't been laid in a long time, so I slipped a girl a roofie at a bar. She still wouldn't have sex with me, she just wanted to sleep."

"my dream is to parade around my home town in a red wagon being pulled by 4 great danes while I give everyone the finger"

"Grenade in a french bathroom What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a french bathroom? Linoleum Blown Apart"

"How many times should you try starting your snowblower before you realize it's not going to start? According to my neighbor it's 458 times."

"Two cannibals eating a clown. One of them says to the other: does this taste funny to you?"

"An Alzheimer's patient walks into bar... to get to the other side."

"Why do people consistently make bad chemistry jokes? Because all the good ones Argon."

"Give it to me, I'm so fucking wet! Give it to me! no matter how much she begged, I would't give her the umbrella"