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Joke of the Day

"my dream is to parade around my home town in a red wagon being pulled by 4 great danes while I give everyone the finger"

"Used a bag to pick up dog shit in yard, tiny ants all over it. Later, saw 2 ants on my arm. My body is now crawling w phantom dogshit ants."

"Last year I turned my life around and lost over 200 lbs People ask me what's your secret? And I'm like ""It's simple, I dumped my girlfriend."""

"Sunday is a great day to curl up with a good book and completely ignore it because, ya know, the Internet."

"Why do tachyons program in assembly? Because it's faster then C"

"If Mississippi lost her New Jersey what would Delaware? Idaho, Alaska"

"Show him you care by setting his house on fire so he will have to move in with you and never be lonely again."

"Space Joke What did the engineers say to the crew of astronauts after they discovered they didnt install the rockets correctly.... Guys, we really Apollo-gize"

"What type of bee makes milk instead of honey? Boobees!!!"

"I'll drink responsibly when there is a brand of vodka named Responsibly"