3358

Joke of the Day

"I went to the doctor and he gave me 2 months to live... I went to the doctor and he gave me 2 months to live. I shot him and the judge gave me 30 years."

"In any kind of relationship...you learn more about someone at the end of that relationship than at the beginning......"

"So my friend tells me that he's thinking about creating a new strain of Marijuana called ""Comcast"". It'll sound really good but it won't get you very high."

"Gin & Tonic: 91 calories. Banana: 105 calories. Choosing the healthy option: Priceless."

"*attaches canes horizontally to dozens of old man walkers *watches slowest jousting match ever"

"I'd like my headstone engraved in Burger King font."

"""Lord, can I have a pony?"" Sure. Just as soon as I get a prayer from a pony asking for a little girl with no clue how to take care of it."

"PBS is starting a new children's show... for kids along the Mexican-American border. It's called Maquiladora the Explorer."

"Did you hear about the clarinet player who left her clarinet in the backseat of her unlocked car? When she got back, there were 14 more."

"[at a bar] ""I'm meeting my friend Dan"" big Dan or Dan who's never has money? [door swings open] HEY WHO WANTS TO BUY THEIR BUDDY DAN A DRINK"