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Joke of the Day

"shit i lost the instructions to my shampoo and now there's blood EVERYWHERE"

"How do meth users get the money to buy their drugs? The toothfairy."

"How did Helen Keller discover masturbation? Trying to read her own lips."

"There is rumor of a new ""Amish Flu"" out of Pennsylvania... the symptoms are low grade fever, and you will get a little hoarse and Buggy."

"My wife said, ""Why are you always pushing me around and talking behind my back?"" I said, ""well, you are in a wheelchair""."

"What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool? Bob."

"Sad to think it's been three years since Notorious B.I.G. would have died of heart disease anyway."

"2034. All motivation comes from posters now. People can't even find the strength to poop without seeing italics over a meadow"

"There is one great thing about cancer It does a fantastic job of getting rid of those weird hairless kids."

"I can't believe they let people own guns. Public toilets are all the proof we need that humans have horrible aim."