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Joke of the Day

"Whats the difference between a rooster and a whore? A rooster says cock-a-doodle-do and a whore says any-cock'll-do"

"Joining Twitter instead of the circus was a pretty good move considering I'm a freak but not that talented"

"I started a book club. A coloring book club. There's a line to get in. We're never on the same page. Nothing's black & white. We're well red"

"Nike actually called me and asked me to stop doing it."

"What's not there when you get into an argument, but there when you lose the argument? The door."

"It is unfair that girls mature faster than boys. Girls get their boobs at 13, and men get their boobs when they're in their 40's"

"What's the best way to milk a sheep? Ask Apple."

"My husband is the nicest guy that I could ever dream of (murdering)."

"What do you get for the women who has everything? A divorce, then she'll only have half of everything."

"I'd make a terrible beaver during the holidays... Because I couldn't give a dam."