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Joke of the Day

"I bought a Valentine's Day card for everyone at our local Tourettes Society. It's the thought that cunts!"

"Me: ""you hang up"" Her: ""no you hang up"" Me: ""no you hang up"" Her: ""no y-"" Jail clerk: ""sir, you only get one phone call."""

"A big upside to marriage is never having to take time to google shit, your spouse already knows everything."

"I'm like a kid in a candy store..... I can't afford anything."

"How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two...but I don't know how you're going to get them in there..."

"Why should you be scared of a white man in prison? Because you know he is actually guilty. Credit to /u/Ser_Rodrick_Cassel for the joke!"

"Folks, I've thought of a way to save 2016: James Corden and a bus full of celebs singing We Are The World, then the bus goes over a cliff"

"Guys, can we please stop making jokes about Donald Trump? Otherwise, we'll all have hell toupee."

"How many redditors does it take to point out a repost? All of them."

"If contraception is birth control... ... abortion is birth control-alt-delete."