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Joke of the Day

"58% of statistics are made up on the spot."

"What's the difference between organized crime and politics? One's organized."

"To the 4 people today who tried to prank me and failed, eat it jerks. To the 13 who succeeded, guys can u pls delete the photos of me crying"

"I opened a door for a girl, but then the crowd flow never stopped so I've been holding this door open for 3 days. Send help."

"*first date* Me: Tell me more about you Her: *crazy eyes* WELL I HAVEN'T STABBED ANYONE LATELY Me: *deletes Tinder* Let's get married!"

"Anyone know the title of Steven Tyler's new cook book? Wok this way."

"Girl, you look like trash. Can I take you out?"

"Why didn't the movie ticket get convicted of both of its crimes? It would only admit one."

"What's the difference between your mom and a pizza? A pizza doesn't beg me to keep going when I'm eating it."

"I only like two things in my life. Boobs."