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Joke of the Day

"I failed my Health and Safety Test today apparently when they ask what steps you should take in case of a fire, large ones was not the correct answer"

"ME: So are you gonna put it in me or what NURSE: Sir it's a blood draw please stop saying that"

"A Man to a lady sitting next to him in flight. Man: ""Which perfume do you use ? It smells good. I want to buy one for my wife."" Lady: ""Please don't. Some idiot will have an excuse to talk to her."""

"College: Now that you're making tons of money with your degree, please donate back to us every year Me: lol College: lol ikr?"

"You like parachuting? That's messed up... you like the Paris Shooting!?"

"*me holding a human baby* i think this cat is broken"

"Trump: ""Hows that Mexican mall going?"" ""Mall? We thought you said wall"" Trump: ""No way that's harsh, also hows that Muslim band looking?"""

"The best part about being ugly? You don't have to change your profile picture for Halloween."

"While you're busy staring at your phone flirting, your bored and neglected spouse is probably out fcuking someone else for real."

"My Dad Is A Magician He can turn alcohol into domestic violence... But his disappearing act is even better."