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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a dept. store Santa and a male prostitute? I've never been employed as a dept. store Santa."

"I think my doctor has OCD too... He diagnosed me with CDO."

"Why would it suck to be an egg? Because you only get laid once, only get smashed once, and the only chick that sits on your face is your mother"

"It's been three weeks since I put superglue on my friend's pen. But he still can't let it go."

"I hate being happy because it makes my tweets suck."

"If you're thinking about making a sex tape, don't, you're 50."

"My attorney likes to earn from my mistakes."

"Who delivers pizza in the hood? Popo John's"

"Mattel released a Muslim Barbie... It's a blow-up doll."

"""Sir can I ask you why you're smoking TWO huge cops?"" Blunt, i'm *turns to camera* Doing this tweet wrong *Blunt just stares in confusion*"