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Joke of the Day

"Fear is not the same is respect. For instance I fear bears but integrity wise they are huge pieces of shit"

"* during an interview * Interviewer: ""So how long were you employed in your last job?"" Candidate: ""I'd say my biggest weakness is my listening skills."""

"*writing resume* Strengths? I'm great at multitasking *explosion in kitchen* My popcorn! *car crashes through fence* I forgot I was driving!"

"I'm torn between feeling like I can do anything if I wanted to, and feeling like I don't want to do anything because I don't want to."

"What do the Syrian refugees and water have in common? They both keep trying to get on our shores...."

"American Top Gear"

"What is the Arabic word for Priest? Infidel."

"""Mommy, why did Santa decide to deliver presents on Jesus' birthday."" Shits about to get REALLY dishonest up in here."

"Two Condoms Two condoms are walking down the street and pass a gay bar. The first condom turns, looks at the other and asks; Wanna get shit faced?"

"'ey girl, you remind me of my homework... Because I'm not going to do you. I'm just too lazy."